Let me give you a very abridged run down of the sort of sexy sex that awaits your tender little eyeballs as Lilith bonks her way through Middle Earth. Depending on your choices, it might start out sweet with some group toe kissing, and semen that tastes like honey. Personally, I am not falling for that line about the semen honey. Fool me twice, Trevor, shame on me. There’s a brief tryst with a love interest whom I have labeled “whimpering Shreck dick” in my notes, and I refuse to go back and find out why I wrote that. There’s a lesbian horse disturbance where the participants count licks, like they think their partner is a Tootsie Pop. There’s blood with Viagra properties, vibrating clits, and lots and lots of “shooting cream.” At this point you may be thinking “Are we really not going to unpack ‘horse disturbance’?” Trust me, there isn’t time. We need to move on to the overall reading experience.

Neigh.

I never made it without biting.